After much hemming and hawwing, I finally came to terms with the fact that my blurb just wasn’t good enough. So, instead of having another go at it and forcing the issue I let my main character take a whack at it. This is what came of it:
~The Dagger of Aita: Retribution~
Throughout history we have been here.Born of the union between the Watchers and the Daughters of Men, our human hearts pump the blood of Angels through our veins. Yet, we are neither human nor Angel. We are the Alimentatori, descendants of the divine, and this is just the beginning…
In my two-hundred and sixty three years I have witnessed much, yet nothing could have prepared me for the devastating murder of my brother, Julian. While he lies in stasis awaiting The Release, his killer roams the Lazio region of Italy free to seek other victims. But, all is not right behind the veil of this ancient landscape. Its beauty hides a world of ancient secrets, hidden agendas and political intrigues. In order to extract my vengeance, I must first play a dangerous game according to another’s rules. Unfortunately for them, playing by the rules has never been my forte. Toppling a game-board or two would suit me just fine. Regardless of the dangers that lie ahead, Retribution will be mine. My name is Jacen Trudeau of the House of Samsaveel and I’m about to open Pandora’s Box.
I’ve been working the last couple of days to create a better blurb for my Amazon.com listing. I think I have finally managed to come up with something that works.
What do you think?
Throughout history we have been here. We were born of the union between the Watchers and the Daughters of Men. Our human hearts pump the blood of Angels through our veins yet, we are neither of one nor the other. Neither human nor Angel. We are the Alimentatori, descendants of the divine, and this is just the beginning…
In my two-hundred and sixty three years I have witnessed much, yet nothing could have prepared me for the devastating murder of my brother, Julian. While he lies in stasis awaiting The Release, his killer roams the Lazio region of Italy free to seek other victims. But, all is not right behind the veil of this ancient landscape. Its beauty hides a world of ancient secrets, hidden agendas and political intrigues. In order to extract my vengeance, I must first play a dangerous game according to another’s rules. Playing by the rules has never been my forte; toppling a game-board or two would suit me just fine! Regardless of the dangers that lie ahead, Retribution will be mine.
My name is Jacen Trudeau of the House of Samsaveel and I’m about to open Pandora’s Box.
I have a new blurb I’m thinking of putting on to my listing for Amazon. What do you all think?
Throughout history we’ve been here. Men and women whose genetic make-up is the stuff of Angels. Born of the union between the Watchers and the Daughters of Men my kind have given up the one thing that set us apart from the humans…our wings. Now hidden in plain sight, neither human nor Angel, we live secluded secret lives appearing as human as the man who sells you groceries or the woman who walks your dog.
I am no different. I am Jacen Trudeau of the House of Samsaveel. Like my people I have fought for my existence. When just a child, I survived a deadly attack which took the lives of my parents. Their loss drew my brother, Julian and I closer than we’d ever been. He cared for me, guided me through life, and wanted nothing more than to restore our family name. We were well on our way to fulfilling his dream when he was taken from me, murdered by a walking, talking urban legend on the night of his Ascension.
I was much too young to seek vengeance for my parents, but my brother’s killer won’t be so fortunate. A beast or no, they will die by my hand.
Though my world may never be right again, retribution is mine.
Monday morning bright and early you will be able to get The Dagger of Aita: Retribution Kindle Ebook download for the starting price of just .99 cents. But, that price won’t last long, so, don’t miss out!
Today I came across a neat little text analyzer. You put in a portion of text and it compares it to well known authors, analyzes it and tells you who you most closely resemble in writing style, word choice, etc.
I decided to test my mettle against world famous authors and see where I landed. I went to me first book, Retribution, and pulled out the first two pages of text and ran it through the analyzer. It came out as Arthur C. Clarke. Not sure if it was just a random thing, I clicked on the analyze new text and put the same text back in two more times. Each time it came out Arthur Clarke. Well, I knew that my style of writing changed within the books (as I got more comfortable with the characters and world I’d created) so I decided to do an experiment. I took text from the middle of my book and the end of it as well. Ran each piece through the analyzer and repeated it three times just like I had with the beginning portion. Each portion…the middle and the end…came out with Neil Gaiman.
In the beginning I wrote like Arthur C. Clarke, which I am absolutely fine with. Nothing wrong with him! Then something changed. Maybe I relaxed into my writing or was so immersed into the world I’d created I let go. Whatever it was, my inner Neil Gaiman came out.
So, my take away from this….if you like Arthur C. Clarke and Neil Gaiman you’ll love my work! 😉
…I zeroed in on the only uniquely adorned individual at the table…our High King. Morbius of the House of Armaros, his black velvet robe intricately embroidered with gold, sat at the exact center of the curve. Like the others, he bore the symbol of his house prominently displayed on his hood.
The woman who’d escorted us in instructed me to take my place at the center of the room, directly in front of our King. Once I’d done as instructed, Morbius spoke.
“It is with great regret that we meet you today, Jacen of Samsaveel. Your brother was our brother. Your pain is ours.” His voice whispered from within the reaches of the hood, his tone seemed sympathetic yet there was a strange undefinable edge to it.
My eyes narrowed as I tried to make out the features of the man who ruled our people. “Thank you, your highness. I too wish we could have met under less dire circumstances.”
“It is our understanding you have questions about the death of your brother. Did your brother’s Second not explain the circumstances of Julian’s death sufficiently?” They knew of my questions already? How could they have known when I, myself, had been unsure of what I’d needed from them?
Returning my gaze to the featureless faces before me, I responded, the strength of my voice disguising the sudden anxiety I harbored. “Adrien explained well enough. I have a great understanding of how my brother died. Yet questions remain.”
“Then ask if you must. We will answer if we are able.”
A wave of uncertainty flowed through me, shaking me to my core. The time had come. It was now or never. Clenching my fists in front of me to calm my nerves, I straightened and spoke, “I’ve been told an urban legend killed my brother.” Not a single sound was uttered from anyone in the room. “I’ve been told that this creature walked into our seat of power and walked out with Julian. What I do not understand is how…” I paused to let the information sink in. My gaze traveled to each of the members in turn only to return to Morbius. “Am I to believe that this lone Cambiare managed to find her way passed the security gate, through the maze of hallways and into the party without so much as being noticed? Please…tell me…how that was possible. Was he not under the protection of this council?
The question hung in the air between us as time seemed to stand still. Then an eruption of indignant voices rose.
“How dare you…”
“You doubt our protection?”
“Who do you think…”
A fist slammed against the table and silence cut through the room. My gaze found the empty hood of our king. “You forget yourself, Jacen. You come here, question us…the Elders of your Kin…in a tone dripping with disrespect and expect what…to shame us?”
I knew it was a dangerous game I played, but I needed answers. Dipping my head, I choose my words carefully. “I meant no disrespect, Sire. I only meant to question the safety of the members of this council…and your own safety as well, my lord. If one of these creatures can spirit away a member of this council from beneath your very noses, then there has to be a breach in security somewhere. Someone helped them and I want to know who.”
My declaration was met with a rumble of whispered comments. When Morbius held up his hand all discussion silenced. “We cannot tell you who betrayed us as we do not know.” He sat back, crossing his hands over his middle. “When we locate the person responsible, you will be informed. For now, you need only retrieve your brother and return home.”
The muscle in my jaw worked as I replaced bitter sorrow with thoughts of vengeance. “I claim my right of Retribution delle Parentele. I’m not leaving Italy until I do so with the beast’s head as my trophy.”
My statement was met with an uncomfortable silence. I swallowed but refused to look away…to do so would be to admit defeat.
When Morbius finally stirred in his seat his voice hissed out from the darkness of his hood, obviously angered by my statement. “You are not sensible like your brother.”
I remained steadfast in my resolve. “No, Sire. I am not.”